So....I'm just sittin here in the livingroom with nothing but a wife beater on.....

Yeah, really, I'm one piece of clothing away from being buckets nekket. What makes it so bad is that there is a chick in my bed. Its that chick that I call Bi-Chick. She is sleeping her ass off. I know what you are thinking, and no....I have not served her some of that good dick and made her fall asleep. We have done nothing. She watched me get out of the shower. She pulled the towel off me a couple times. Asked to see my botched up shaving job I did on Steve. But no sex. I played with her boobies some, but no sex. Not even her nekket.


I am really kinda rethinking the whole me telling her that I just wanted to cuddle with her some. Well, I do want that stuff....but damn, I cant really get my cuddle on if she is sleep, can I? I mean....I really just want to wake her ass up so we can play around, but I know that she works alot. I mean she works 6 or 7 days a week. She has 2 jobs, has to work both of 'em tomorrow. Her day starts at about 830am and ends at 10pm. I am happy that she decided to even come up here to see me. I really am, but a nigga like me would love to get his pat and tickle on. Some of that spoon and fork action. I been kicking it with Mo some, but that shit just aint right. Me and her know that shit aint right. We do not need to start up another fucked up relationship out of availability and lonliness. I......I love her too much to do that.

I don't understand this love thing. It doesn't fit into my world of logic and simple cause and and effect and shit. I'm pretty damn sure I still love her. She still loves me. (We told each other a couple of weeks ago.) Why do we still have feelings for one another and still both feel like we are still not right for each other? I don't know what the fuck is going on. She told me that she feels bad because I'm not the same sweet caring dude that I used to be. She told me that I was much more calus now. I hadn't really noticed it until she said something, but it is true. I didn't always used to be such a heartless bastard with women. I told her it wasn't her fault. I made me. I let shit effect me the way that it did and dealt with it the way that I did and still do.

One day I will meet me a nice lady and will return to my old nice sweet ways. Not being so cold and all that shit...I mean...I hope it happens. I just hope I'm not damaged beyond repair. I hope I haven't changed her for the worse in any way.


-the Pickle