......Ugh

I'm tired.

The weather is all shitty, like grey and a little rainy.

Traveling all last week has kinda knocked me off of what was becoming a decent sleep routine, and hydration regiment.

I am feeling a little homesick. Like.... there is just stuff going on back home and I feel like I should be there for my mom and sis.

Top 3 things going on at home:
1) Moms is kinda sick
2) My sister is dating some dude (not that he is a bad dude, but I would like for her to be with someone that is doing more with his life, but he seems nice and he is making my happy so that is what is most important)......there was some drama that started over a rumor (I hope thats all it was) (And since my sis is dating dude that leaves her less time to spend with moms)
3) My Dad's brother died on Saturday and the funeral stuff is kinda stressing moms out because my dad's fam has been straight up dicks to her before (I don't fucks with my dads fam....)
4) I'm missing the Amazon....yeah yeah yeah, I don't think she was right for me and all that, but I do care about her and feel really close to her. I don't bitch about my problems to many people. Not like personal emotional type stuff. And when I mean not many I mean like only Moms and the Amazon and my sis. And I had gotten to the point to where I talked about more stuff to the Amazon. And I miss the little stuff like watching tv and shit with her and like when I am run across cool restaurants or museums or some shit, the first thing that goes through my mind is "Ooh, I should bring the Amazon here, she would love this". And I think like If I miss doing all of this with her why do I not with her. And I guess it goes back to her not being right for me. I miss her when I haven't been with her, but the feeling fades after being with her for a while and spending extended periods of time with her.

I don't understand that shit.



So, anyway, there is a void left by her. Pretty damn big void. (Yeah, your boy is open........like i spend time with a nice chick and I want more.....and mmmooooorrrreee. And to make things worse, I think going through this whole no job thing has made me a lot softer. I don't handle adverse situations well.)

I ended up hanging out with her some on Sunday night. It was hella cool, but then it kinda wasn't. It wasn't the same (big surprise there). The differenceness built up in me which led me to abruptly leaving.

I wish I never went over there.

I went because she called me to get some stuff I had left over there, like a couple old t-shirts and a pair of old ass sweatpants. I was kinda hoping that meant she just wanted me to come over so we could hang like we used to do.

Yeah, well, its my bed.....I gotta lay in it.....I gotta lay in it by mydamnself.

-Mr. Pickle