Shady and Suspect.....

So, I met this chick last weekend.....during the most awkward weekend ever, and we have talked a couple times. She seems aight.....I'm still trying to figure out some of these D.C. folks. Well, actually, not trying to do too much figuring. D.C. has the most rediculously high S.T.D. rates of all time. ......like rediculous, and I love Steve and myself wwwwaaaayyyyy tttooooo muuuccchhhh to fuck around and end up with Swine Clap. And since this is DC, and tons of gay dudes i feel the need to explain that Steve is the name of my wiener.

Anyway, back to chick. I added her as a friend on twitter and her profile says she is a blogger. I ask her about her blog and she is tells me she does not want me to read it, at least not now. So, I'm all like "Damn, what are you trying to hide?" and she says some crap about her just not wanting me to read it yet, so fine. Ioneven tell most chicks about the blog because I talk about their asses hard on here sometimes.....Ha!

So that was the beginning of last week. I talked to her last night and ended up telling her I blogged too, but wasn't gonna tell her my site address. I'd do it when she did it. And all of a sudden holding that shit back is now "shady".

I tells her "What's good for the goose is good for the gander".

And I am talking more about how damn near all of my twitter friends are blogger buddies and we all frequent the same blog.

"That's shady and suspect...."

I ask her what's the difference between her doing it and I, then tell her "If you don't like it, then don't do it."

Sooooo, yyyeeeaaahhhh.....lol.

-Mr. Funktastic

p.s.: I didn't put on deoderant this morning.

P-90X

Consider this some sort of PSA:

BBBBBBBEEEEEEIIIIIITTTTTTCCCCCCHHHHHHH

-Fin




So, I'm eating my breakfast....well, my sister says I actually drink my breakfast. She has a point. I do Oatmeal for breakfast and I make it with extra water so I can gulp it on down easy. (Shit, I went though a period where I put enough water in it to be able to drink it with a straw.....and I did drink it with a straw, which my sister deemed "Gross") Anyway....if i was on a boat I'd be eating oatmeal ON A MUTHAFUGGIN BOAT.

Ok, that P-90x shit. Supposed to work based on that muscle confusion principle. That shit is a very valid principle. I mean, it really is. So, I'm gonna be traveling a lot and the P-90x program has been seeming quite interesting, inviting,......tempting even (if you don't like my gratuitous use of commas, BLOW ME) , so I decided to start checking it out, getting my research on. Sssoooooo, I find out that shit is an everyday program......EVERY FUCKING DAY type program. On top of the everyday shit, it's like twice a day part of the fuckin' time.

Every fuckin' day, sometimes twice a day, for 90 fuckin days? Lets see 90/7 = like, damn near 13 weeks = like 3 and a quarter fuckin months.

Fuckin bananas.

Oh, and the workouts are around 45-60 minutes long

Not saying the shit doesn't work, or that it is super calo crazy, but at an hour a day, sometimes twice a day I don't give a fuck what you fuckin' do, you will lose wieght and get in in better shape.

Here is a list of shit that it you do it for 1-2 hours a day for 3.25 months straight will get you in shape:
1) Walking around the neighbor hood
2) Fuckin'
3) Vigorously masterbating while watching people fugg
4) Swimming
5) Painting a fuggin house
6) J-settin'
7) Vogueing down the toilet papaer Aisl in Walmart
8) Talking tough and doing tough things
9) Doing hoodrat things

And that is just a short list.


Point I am trying to make is that if you have the dedication and motivation to do shit just do it, don't pay some ass that has prolly been lipoed and roided out and shit $120 bucks just to do what he did. Just be dedicated and do shit.

Now, if you are wondering if I still am thinking about ordering that shit....well, yes, i am. But I'm not gonna do it until after I hae spent 13 weeks doing the following:
1) Fuggin
2) Vigorously Masterbating while watching people fugg
3) Hoodrat things
4) Talking tough and doing tough things
5) Painting a fuggin' house
6) Puttin' niggas in my Kufi category

-the BULLY

bblllaaahhhh

Hey.

It's like 7:45 am and so far I have drank like 2.5 quarts of water, and I am about to refill my water bottle again.

Ok. I just refilled my bottle. Its an old greet 1 quart squeeze bottle from gatorade. It was part of a pack. Came with a few packs of gatorade powder. Think I bought it when I was in highschool, and it is now sitting in here on my desk.....ten years after highschool.

Ok. I'm about to start out on a lesson for the acquisitions training that I have to go through fro my job. Its a ton of shit. Boring as aaaallll hell, but I'm trying to bang thorugh it as much as I can, before my work load revs up. So, yeah, get through a lesson, then set up my health insurance..and 401k type thing, then do another lesson. And I have some sort of meeting this after noon (big fun)

Yeah, if you hadn't noticed I'm feeling very BLAH right now. Its hard not to feel blah when you don't have anything to do at work yet, other than boring ass online courses. And I think the lack of sleep is catching up with me too, but I am starting to get a handle on it. I was sleep by 10:30 last night, and by 11 the night before. I slept in on Monday and got my 8 hours. I get up at 5:30, so getting to bed is pretty important. I get up at 5:30, and get in around 15 minutes of cardio. I alternate between going out and jogging and doing stuff in the In-Home-Gym (Pull-ups, Push-ups, hitting the punching bag and jumping rope (9' cielings are awesome))

Getting dedicated to the whole health and fitness thing again. Working on my hydration, eating veggies and fruit......Shit, I can't believe that by 9 am, I will have downed a gallon of water. My water consumption tapers off after that, though. Maybe I should try to spread my consumption out more evenly......maybe.

Ok, gonna go be productive.

-the Pickle

Maybe it's a little excessive.....

So as part of this whole "New Life" thing I have gotten back on my workout/eat better/be healthier kick. I started my extended vacay pretty well motivated got even more motivated, even got a lil over the top for a while. Started using this pre-workout supplement, Superpump 250....and MMMMAAAANNNN that shit would jack me up, have me in the gym on some hurculean type shit.

This is what they say it will do:
"About SuperPump250
In the Pre-workout category, SuperPump250™ is the reigning King of dramatic effects. Athletes who try SuperPump virtually never go back to any other pre-workout supplement, and its effects are so profound that the thought of training without it is simply out of the question for most users. In the groundbreaking independent clinical trial, increases in lean muscle mass nearly tripled in a single workout with just 1 dose of SuperPump250™ as compared to not taking the supplement. If that’s not enough, body fat percentages simultaneously dropped as opposed to no changes in body fat recorded without the supplement. Consider all this with the added effects of explosive energy, mental focus and strength, and you’re left with seemingly very little to consider. Ask anyone who tries this super anti-catabolic powerhouse and you’ll hear the same answer over and over – you’re going to look and feel incredible on SuperPump250!"

NNniiiigggaaa I would take that shit, wait about 30 mins til I felt it start to kick in, then drive to the gym, took like 15 minutes, get in there and hop on cardio for like 30-40 minutes....like STRAIGHT GETTIN' IT. Then lift for like an hour, hour and a half (like compounding everything, 4 sets of 12....and as little rest as possible) then bang out another 30-40 minutes of cardio.

I was on some dumb shit in the gym.

And the "Mental Focus"....that shit just means you don't want to do ANYTHING else but get after it in the gym.

So, they say you must drink AT LEAST a gallon of water a day. I was doing that...little more. I used that shit for about a month, month and a half. Eventually I got to where I had a hard time sleeping and I could not drink enough water to stay hydrated and not have concentrated stinky pee. I mean, I got to the point to where I was drinking 2 gallons of water a day...actually, over 2 gallons a day. And as soon as I drank a lil, I would have to piss and my pee would still be strong.

I stopped taking it and for like another few weeks I still had the super short time before needing to pee....I'm guessing that shit accumulated up in my body and my system just rrrreeeaaallly wanted to flush it out of me.

So, anyway, I stop taking that shit and could not get myself to consistantly workout. Couldn't develop hardly anydrive, and then coming off that shit that hyped me up mentally and physically to train...your boy wasn't worth shit.

So, lthe last 2.5-3 months of my unemployment ended up being me mostly just sitting around, not doing shit and my diet went from eating meals like broiled tilapia filets, wheat bread, and water, to like three bowls of cap'n crunch with a lil added sugar.

Yeah, totally gained back my 20lbs. that I had lost.

So, by the time I was started my job (My start date was Aug. 03.....like 10 days ago) I was ready to get back into the swing of things (I was actually ready a lil before then, butI was still being lazy and just figured I would wait on my new beginnings to change up everything). I've been doing pretty well so far.

I get up at 5:30a.m. get in approx 15 minutes of cardio (Running M-W-F and a combo of the hitting my punching bag, pull-ups, and jumprope on Tuesday and Thursday). No, it's not a full workout, but it is just enough to spark up one's metabo, and I will up it once I start to get in better shape. I make it in the gym in the evenings trying to lift and hit more cardio. I haven't been super stellar in that because it is taking me a lil bit to get used to 9.5 hour long days (especially coming off of not doing shit for 8 months).

Dietwise, I'm cooking my dinners, mostly in the oven, cooked a roast in the crock pot yesterday. Keeping more chicken and fish in the diet. Making sure to have veggies in my meals. Eating oatmeal for breakfast everyday (yeah, I'm gully. Just straight plain oatmeal, made with extra water so I can drink (with a lil bit of chewage) it down). And I bring fruit with me to work to snack on during the day. If I get too hungry between meals and don't feel like eating fruit I will run to the lil cafeteria and get a cup of soup or chili.

Oh, and back to drinking lots of water.

Yeah, so if you have been paying attention thats lots of water, veggies, and fruit which equals lots of jizzle that I can complimented on for its almost pleasant taste and lack of odour.

Don't make that face.

Not my fault that chicks have complimented me on the flavor of my jizzle before. (Hey, its also not my fault I love giving chicks the opportunity to taste my jizzlings.)

The only side effect, is that with all this water consumption, I stay going to the bathroom. Around once an hour. Maybe a lil more.

Whatevs, the good far outweighs the bad.

-the BULLY

I fuckin' promise

Yo, real talk....I get back in shape I'm rockin tight ass shirts like no ones fuckin' bidness.



For fuckin' real.


Shit, I get my legs lookin' right, I'm gonna start rockin them little ass shorts like your P.E. coach used to wear back when you were in elementary school....(that's for all us 25 plus folk.....not y'all young punk as mofos)


Fuckin' right.


Hey, dudes, if you out with your girl, and I'm in some ol' snugg ass t-shirt.... now, we both know she gonna be looking at your boy, I will make eyes RIGHT back at her. Fuck you and your inabilty to keep your girls attention.

-the Muthafuckin' BULLY

A certain type of way

That's how your boy is feeling right now.

New job.

New re-commitment to working out.

It looks like things are over with the Amazon.....AAAGGGAAAIIIINNNN.

It's like my life is starting over again.

Not from the beginning....like not a whole new fresh sheet or page or nothing, more like I wrote a whole bunch, didn't quite like where things were going , kinda drew a few lines through the previous shit and started back writing, but still using the shit I already wrote to guide me.

Yeah, new job is with the Gubment. Seems like I will enjoy it. There are 4 people in my group, and they are looking to add a 5th. So, there is me, a dude that is almost 3 years deep/out of college, bout to finish his development program and two older cats...like mid fifty range.

The young dude is a stereotypical nerdyish, fat pimply balding engineering fuck. Seems like a decent guy, kinda straight arrow type that is only so straight arrow because he doesn't really have the balls to behave otherwise, but would love to be a lil more out there. The older cats are smart ass potty mouths that say shit that really shouldn't be said in the work place. One of them is my team lead. Dude straight told me that the gubment has no performance standards and if I wanted to just sit here and surf the net and play solitaire for the next 40 yrs i could. He also said working with the gubment can be whatever you make it...if I show initiative and don't piss people off, I could go very far, but if I didn't do shit I could at least keep my job.....as long as I didn't punch my boss in the face while other people were watching or really just piss someone off and then they could get me for abuse of the innanets or using the phone for personal use (don't have to worry about me using the phone for personal use)

So, also he helped me to understand why the gubment pays so damn much for the shit it buys /uses (atleast as far as defense shit goes). It boils down to the gubment wanting to be able to ensure we get the highest quality shit possible. Basically we dump gobs of money on contractors for shit so they aren't left feeling the need to cut corners on shit to make a profit. Give them plenty enough to get shit done exactly how we want it, give them enough money so they an afford to just pay people to sit around and think up better shit, and just stay closely enough involved in their processes to ensure they really are doing what you want them to do.


I don't feel like the gubment just unnecessarily gives away money to contractors just to grease the pockets of people like Chaney 'nem......so much anymore.

I also have a better understanding of how politics affects everything and how it can really be detrimental to shit.....like how huge the F-35 is being touted as being so super duper...yeah, its good and all, but the real deal behind it is that it is bringing soooo much work and money to so many states and....even foriegn countries.

Yeah, so like I said, I just started the job, so yeah....I'm gonna have a lot of free time on my hands until for a little.

Expect more entries.

Looks like i lied to y'all asses

So...your boy still hasn't been blogging.

Blow me.

I finally started my new job this past week. Aug. 3, 2009. First time i have been at a job since December 8, 2008.

Yup, 8 months.

I'm working on a Naval Air Station and live around 800 some miles north of where i used to live.

New shit. Gonna be new experiences. .......prolly gonna be some homesickness (just a little bit, though) (ok, maybe a lil more than a lil bit)

Yeah, ssssoooooo.....yeah. I'm gonna go, get a haircut, hit the gym, then end up at a cookout I was invited to.

Peace out, bitches.

-the BULLY