I'm not even gonna title this shit

Holy shit.....my weekend has sucked.

Shit, 2010 has been sucking........and no one has been sucking on me....not even a little bit.....not even a lick lick lick kiss "Is that good enough?"

So, yeah, my b-day is in Feb, so that means my car registration is about to expire, so that means it's time to get my vehicle registered in Md. ........Yeah, that's totally gonna be like $600 to get the car and the trizzuck registered and shit. Oh, but wait, Md has Vehicle inspections....that shit is gonna run me atleast 60 bucks per vehicle......oh, and Md. has like the most strict vehicle inspection criteria in the motherfuckin' country.....not a problem for the sexy lil Maxima, but the Old Bitch....yeah, that's gonna be a problem.....

Shit that I know is gonna have to be fixed/replaced/removed to pass inspection:
-Limo ass tint has got to go (that's that bullshit...STRAIGHT UP. I've had that dark tint on my shit for like 6-7 years....it has enabled me to get my fuck on in a pretty public place....like in the parking lot RIGHT in front of a Hookah Bar. Fuck you......at least she was my girlfriend...and not yours....our someone's wife.)

-Muffler...gotta gotta put one BACK on the truck. Yeah, it was perfectly fine until I crawled under the truck one day with a hacksaw in hand.......Yeah, that shit def upped the redneck level of the truck by a few notches....it was/is awesome.

-Leaky ass power steering unit: Who gives a shit???? aint like I didn't disconnect that shit and rode out with it for like 6 months.....hhmmmm that gives me an idea. If I disconnect it again, and let all of the fluid run out, then hey.....no leaky ass power steering unit....no problem (Yeah, I think I just figured out how to beat the system. So fucking what if you have to be a damn MAN to steer that bitch. I'm a damn MAN, if you can't handle it, then keep yo bitch ass out of the driver's seat)

-Door handle....So, part of the inspection criteria is that you must be able to open all doors from the inside and out......yeah, my whole driverside door handle situation is fucked.......straight FUCKED. Like, even if I could find another door handle fixture and shit to put back in there, it wouldn't matter because the sheet metal that you are supposed to mount it to is torn.......it doesn't bother me to wind down the window and open the door from the outside, why does it bother you and or the state of Md.??? ....bitch

-Emissions....they check that shit too..I don't know for sure if my emissions are gonna come out bad, but seeing how I have had issues with my exhaust gas recirculation system....I'm pretty sure my shit is dumping a few extra chemicals into the atmosphere. Maybe I will remedy that by installing a lil cotton ass filter whilst I am putting in my new cheap ass muffler.......yeah, I went on line and found the cheapest muffler that I possibly could find. It is like $27. I'm gonna clamp that shit on as shittily as I possibly can....and hope like hell that shit falls off in the parking lot RIGHT after they give me my inspection sticker saying I passed.

Yeah, your vehicl only has to pass inspection once. That pisses me off, like I there has to be a billion other old ass cars in Md that are shittier than my truck, but since they were last bought/sold when they were new/pretty new they easily passed inspection and can now rot afuckingpart....but the truck (Mind you, it will be 15 this summer) has to go through this shit. Straight Byoolshit.


The Verizon vs AT&T commercials are tripping me the fuck out. Lemme preface this part of the rant with a joke. (Yeah, I stole this shit from Micheal Conyers.......I'm sure most of y'all don't even remember him)

So.....a mouse and an elephant are walking through the jungle.......just coolin out and shit...smokin' on a fat ass blunt. The elephant was bogartin' the shit out of the blunt, tomboutsum "Bitch, I'm big as fugg.....I gotta hit this shit longer....the logistics on this shit is bananas..."

Anyway.....

The motherfuckas are walking through the jungle and the motherfuckin' mouse falls in a big ass hole...like fell all the way to the bottom of that bitch.

The elephant, higher than a muhfuggah is like "Aye lil nigga, don't even sweat it...I gotchu" This big sumbitch pulls out his dack and drops down into the hole.

The mouse is PISSED ".....the fuck wrong witcho big ass?"

Elephant "Naw, muhfuggah, no homo, but you can run up my dick and be out the hole n' shit"

So, the mouse ran up on the elephant's dick and made it out the hole and was all happy and shit, but made sure to wash the shit outta his feet cause the elephant used to fuck a lotta hoes.

So, a few weeks later...they are out kickin it again. Walkin' in the jungle.....smokin a blunt (the mouse made the elephant buy this time)

So, yeah, they are walkin' and shit and all of a sudden, the elephant falls in a huge ass hole. The mouse is like "Hey, homey, don't even sweat it.....I gotchu" Mouse runs off, and shows back up about 45 mins later....with his mercedes.

The mouse hollars out the window "Hey, dog, reach your long ass Gonzo from the Muppets ass nose and grab my bumper. Grab hold of my bumper and I'll pull you out"

So, the mouse pulls the big ass elephant out of the hole and all is well.

Moral of the story...if you have a Mercedes, you don't need a big ass dick.


So, Verizon and AT&T is such a dick contest. Verizon is all "Hey America, look how big my dick is....my dick is big and red and covers up yo big ass tv screen, motherfuckah." and AT&T is all like "Nigga, look how good I am with my moderately sized dick.....look at what I can do and how well I can do it. So what if you dick is big, Verizon, nigga you still don't know how to fuck. Nigga, my stroke is SICK, son." And verizon comes back like "Yeah, well...my dick is HUGE kid.....mother fuckin huge....nigga, they call me DANGLE in this motherfuckuh."

AT&T is like "So, bitch, you still cant work them corners and side walls like me......who gon' check me?"


So, yeah, again I realized that Md. Has some wack ass laws. I had a run with that shit this weekend. Led to a really shitty weekend...gonna cost me a super grip ass grip (Yeah, so that shit is on top of the shit for registration and truck repairs and oh, yeah, the $1400-$1700 dollars worth of dental work I need done because I started grinding my teeth in my sleep after I lost my job) Shit aint too good for your boy right now.

So, I have a friend, a female friend that I have been super nice too, sympathetic to her fucked up ass situations and shit. Taken her out, bought her food and drinks, let her stay in hotel rooms with me a couple times, free of charge, I've spent countless hours on the phone with her while she cried about her ex-boyfriend and shit...actually if you go back a few years a bunch of cock blocking ass hours in person too. I've been stupid nice to chick. Stupid nice, especially considering I'm not even trying to fugg. She ain't ugly, and under normal circumstances I damn sure would have tried to put some in her hair, but she is the ex of one my best friends...yeah, E-dot, I'm talking about your girl.

So I tell her about my FUCKED up weekend (via yahoo im), she asks if I am serious about what I told her and then goes on to talk about how she just saw someone get beat down by the cops or some shit. Like...my fuckin' problem didn't matter worth a shit. And believe you me, my shit is/was pretty really seriously fucked.

Yeah, she can thank her damn self for losing someone, that she has said herself, was one of her best friends that has always been there for her.....good job, B.

Ummm what else????


......Idk

I guess I'll save some for later.


-the Muthafuggin BULLY

P-90X

Consider this some sort of PSA:

BBBBBBBEEEEEEIIIIIITTTTTTCCCCCCHHHHHHH

-Fin




So, I'm eating my breakfast....well, my sister says I actually drink my breakfast. She has a point. I do Oatmeal for breakfast and I make it with extra water so I can gulp it on down easy. (Shit, I went though a period where I put enough water in it to be able to drink it with a straw.....and I did drink it with a straw, which my sister deemed "Gross") Anyway....if i was on a boat I'd be eating oatmeal ON A MUTHAFUGGIN BOAT.

Ok, that P-90x shit. Supposed to work based on that muscle confusion principle. That shit is a very valid principle. I mean, it really is. So, I'm gonna be traveling a lot and the P-90x program has been seeming quite interesting, inviting,......tempting even (if you don't like my gratuitous use of commas, BLOW ME) , so I decided to start checking it out, getting my research on. Sssoooooo, I find out that shit is an everyday program......EVERY FUCKING DAY type program. On top of the everyday shit, it's like twice a day part of the fuckin' time.

Every fuckin' day, sometimes twice a day, for 90 fuckin days? Lets see 90/7 = like, damn near 13 weeks = like 3 and a quarter fuckin months.

Fuckin bananas.

Oh, and the workouts are around 45-60 minutes long

Not saying the shit doesn't work, or that it is super calo crazy, but at an hour a day, sometimes twice a day I don't give a fuck what you fuckin' do, you will lose wieght and get in in better shape.

Here is a list of shit that it you do it for 1-2 hours a day for 3.25 months straight will get you in shape:
1) Walking around the neighbor hood
2) Fuckin'
3) Vigorously masterbating while watching people fugg
4) Swimming
5) Painting a fuggin house
6) J-settin'
7) Vogueing down the toilet papaer Aisl in Walmart
8) Talking tough and doing tough things
9) Doing hoodrat things

And that is just a short list.


Point I am trying to make is that if you have the dedication and motivation to do shit just do it, don't pay some ass that has prolly been lipoed and roided out and shit $120 bucks just to do what he did. Just be dedicated and do shit.

Now, if you are wondering if I still am thinking about ordering that shit....well, yes, i am. But I'm not gonna do it until after I hae spent 13 weeks doing the following:
1) Fuggin
2) Vigorously Masterbating while watching people fugg
3) Hoodrat things
4) Talking tough and doing tough things
5) Painting a fuggin' house
6) Puttin' niggas in my Kufi category

-the BULLY

You know what really grinds my gears?????

Bitch ass, punk ass, sissy ass, Yankee ass, metro ass rules of fuck ass fashion.

What the fuck!!??!?!!

Why can't a man just put on some decent clothes that match and don't stank and be good?

Naw......a man gotta make sure his jeans are of the right darkness and shit for the certain time of day and shit. Thats some ol' weak ass metrosexual punk ass shit.

What ever happened to men being men and letting women be women? Man be tough, woman be pretty?

And you know what makes me even more pissed?


That if I don't follow those punk ass sissy ass dressing rules then I look like a fuckin' tacky douche.

I hate looking like a douche.

Now I gotta make sure my darker jeans are dark enough to be worn at night and shit.

That shit is sooooo hella homosexual.

Maaaannnnn I wish I could just put on some fuckin man ass clothes, look like a fuckin man and be happy. What do I want to wear tonight? I wanna wear my fly ass "Power to the People" T-shirt with my favorite Levis, but are my levis dark enough? Even though the party's dress code says casual....are all the sissy ass dressing greeks and shit gonna be casual and shit? Am I gonna show up in a button up and dark jeans, be all ornery feeling, cuss out the chick I'm gonna be gettin all giggity giggity with and fight some old ass frat guys?

I don't know.....maybe I shouldn't drink.....or maybe I should just drink before I go....and hope I'm mellowed out before I get there.

Fuuuuucccckkkkk I pre-paid for this shit.

Fuck it.

I'm gonna rock out with my cock out.


-the Muthahfuckin' BULLY

......Really, dog.....really?

Al Reynolds.....

I really don't feel like I need to say anymore cause just that dude's name makes me lmmao.

Seriously though, I aint mad at what he did. In a way I kinda applaud him and that dude that married Tony McMillan. For real. That was some good payback ....Mike Tyson was my hero.....Robyn Givens better hope she don't eeeevvvveeerr come cross me in the Streets.

Fa Real. If women can be golddiggers so can femenine ass men.

Here is what I don't like. Matter of fact this is what I hate..... I hate it when people try to insult my inteligence. Yeah, I may be a big silly lookin Negro that they call the BULLY, but I ain't no dummy, Al. Whicho Gay Ass. Tomboutsum "I'm not gay".....Niggro PLEEAAASSE.

Look at this shit.



Look at this ol' lispy as lispy fool. Tilting his head and using his lips too damn much.

Look at that fools lower lip. Its got a dip in it.....that dip is formed by sucking on a lot of jibbies.

Now, I could go on and on about why I think this dude is gay, and many of you may try to discredit me beause I'm a southern male and we aint about all that metrosexual, manscaping fuggshyt, and gay ass Ed Hardy GAY ASS DRAWS like these.

Really....look how not right that shit might look on a real ass not-gay negro like myself.

Anyway................... I decided to get some expert oppinions.

Thats right..... Gay people.

I enlisted the help of homersexuals.

Check theses comments from the nice people over at Towleroad.com

-Gal Reynolds is NOT gay. He's on the down low. That's entirely different from gay. Really ya'll it isssss.

-Okay, let's review:
Afalfa cum Pee Wee Herman Helmet Cut
Extreme Eyebrow Wax Job
Mustache Trim
Chronic Gayface and Lip Pursing Thoughout Interview
Strategic Head Back Toss
Just for Men Hair Color (Dark Brown)
Denial of Homosexuality


Discuss.

-Just because he attended a Fire Island Pines party dressed as Bam-Bam from The Flintstones does NOT make Al Reynolds gay!

-Al Reynolds almost melted my gay-dar the first time that I saw him. Al, you may not consider yourself gay. There is a term that some folk would use instead. Ever heard the term "MSM"? Men that sleep with men, but may have a woman or two on the side

-All right, fine fine FINE. You're not gay already. You go to gay bars, you dress like a one-man circuit party and you have the worst taste in women since Ferdinand Marcos--but you're not gay. Hooray for you.

Well, there you have it...straight from the gay ass horses mouth.

-the Muthafuggin BULLY



p.s.: NIGGER (you know I gotta say it atleast once in a post........HOLLLAAAA!!!)