Memorial Day Weekend, SOuth Beach

WWWoooooooowwwwwwww

A nigga’s weekend was soooo much fuckin fun. That trip was the most fun that I have ever had I think….I mean maybe. Maybe I’m just getting older and appreciating shit more……Naaaaahhh, that shit was OFF THE DAMN CHAIN!!

Firstly…I mean, the biggest most influential part of the trip….the part that made it most fun was the crew. Then came the tons o’ women, and boose and sun and beach.

Crew Rundown

E-dot: One of the Boys from Mech. Eng. School. Dude didn’t talk to me for a whole semester…tombout “You look liked a big ol’ asshole…I didn’t know why the other guys even hung out with you” his words. He is one of my bestfriends and has been for 5-6 years.

Big Chris: This cat was down from the beginning. My moms loves him. We call the den at momma’s house “Big Chris Room”. I went on a 3-4 day road trip with him once that included my first trip to Memorial Day Weekend South Beach in 2004. Another Bestfriend.

Young Billiam: Knew this cat in E-school. He was an Electrical Eng. Major. We partied some, but we were never in the same core crews. He’s a real nice good guy…I kept on teasing him for being a “Sweet Nigga” this weekend cause he was doing nice things for females. I’d be like “Fuck this!!” then he’d go “Hold on a minute…chill out” The good cop to my BULLY. Spent most of my time paired up with this dude during the weekend. He is a real Stand up dude.

Solar, the brown guy: He is a member of Team M.E. (Mech. Eng.) Took numerous road trips with him and the rest of Team M.E. during school. He is Costa Rican. Costa Rica has no military and he completely embodies that. Great happy dude…never has any problems with anyone and no one can ever have a problem with him. Another all around Great dude.

Ok if I write out what happened in story format this shit will be waaaaaay too damn long, so I am gonna break each day up and spit it out in bullet form. If you don’t like it….then, well…yeah, you can blow me.

Thursday Night:
- I flew into Miami…Big Chris and Billiam flew into Lauderdale. (shit was too late for us to hit the Sex Club with Quebie so we just headed downtown)
- We gawked at some thick white broads…tried to find the Reggae Club, I took a poo in the public bathroom in the downtown club area next to the river (I’m a damn man damnit)
- I ended up linking up with a cute curvy short dark Haitian chick….body was on pppoooooiiiinntttt. Young Billiam was the super wingman (Nigga deserved an award)
- I’m standing with shorty Hatian with a dquiri and her not so attractive cousin comes up, bumps my arm and holds out and empty cup……bitch gets the crazy look. “What the hell you want?” “Some drink?” …..”Nigga you MUST ask, say please and thankyou….don’t come up to me bumping me and holding out no cup”……”Ok…here is a little” (Give her what ever was suspended in my straw) I ended up pouring her a little after she said please and shit (Later she tried will with the same thing and he gave her a nice bit….ol’ sweet nigga but he was doing the best job possible as wingman. Nigga was amazing.”
- We end up giving them a ride to their car. Car was full so we had to lap it up. I was driving and wanted shorty in my lap.
- Shorty straddled me……big chris pulled us from the driverseat. (I told that nigga I could still drive with her on me….)
- Shorty’s cousin’s car ended up with Shorty’s bare ass prints smeared all on the passenger side windows and roof of the car….and I learned that shorty was cleanly shaven…..giggitty ( I didn’t hit, just a little pat and tickle while Billiam put the cousin through all of the Kamasutra Poses across the hood of the rental car….he didn’t hit…but he damn sure had her in the Downward dog position while conversing….wingman extraordinaire)
- We headed back to Miami…..got Free cake from Don Rodrigo…..Sang and dance to “Booty Butt Cheeks” and “Do the Homie” as we went into the I hop
- ….left Ihop and the sun was up.

Friday:
- Checked into the hotel and started drinking immediately
- Got drunk and started walking the strip
- Billiam and I ended up meeting a couple brizzles at the bar in the hotel
- Followed brizzles to the club, Prive
- I left the line to go score some henessy from the liquor store down the way
- Re-upped our buzz on straight hen-dog and bottled water while in line
- Sold the last bit of Hen in bottle to niggas in line for $10
- Got loose as fuck in the club
- Eventually Big Chris, E-dot, and Solar showed up and we had more drinks…..
- E-dot takes shot…makes gasface…hurls a little….right there at the bar
- E-dot keeps on partying
- I realize my phone is lost
- I realize my knife is lost
- I get super overly pissed
- I almost cry like a bitch (don’t ask….I was on some other shit that night)
- I alternate being pissed about loosing phone and getting on hoes (Like dance dance dance….sulk sulk sulk repeat)
- Me and Billiam leave Club….
- Call my phone…no answer
- Call little sis….She said she just finished talking to broad that had my phone and she was pissed cause chick hung up on her
- I get extra pissed cause bitch pissed off sister
- I tell Billiam to go back to the boys…I’ll find my phone myself….
- Billiam was smart/sane enough to not leave drunk raging BULLY alone
- Billiam keeps BULLY from being arrested (yyyeeeaaaahhh)
- I finally talk to chick that has phone
- She tells me to meet her at 10th and Collins
- I think she says 5th and Collins
- I show up at 5th and Collins and start hounding every female I see (Walkin up on them…”Bitch, you lookin for me?....Where my phone bitch”
- Call my phone back up…learn I need to go to 10th and proceed there…
- At 10th and Collins I repeat the “Bitch you lookin for me……Where my phone bitch” routine.
- Chick calls and tells me to get it from front desk and we order them Mimosas for in the morning (What?…..Mimosas are the shit)
- I holler at k@liente (Pretty ass) and tell them we are gonna get pizza near their hotel. I ask if she wants to go get some with us
- K@li says naw, you go get the pizza and bring it up to us
- BULLY says “Fuck that…..you better come down here and wait with us”. But Billiam steps in “…Naw tell ‘em we’ll get it and bring it to ‘em” (good cop to my BULLY)
- Pizza shop runs outta dough…gonna be an hour before we can get pizza
- BULLY says “Fuck them…lets get us these 2 last pieces and bug out!”
- Billiam “Naw man….we can wait”
- The hardest white midget ever comes in with a real ass goon like nigga. Goon Nigga goes off on some white dude and sufficiently punks everyone in the pizza shop (The one on 11th between Collins and ocean) Goon Nigga leaves…Billiam says something to me…..
- Goon nigga comes back like “What was that???”
- Billiam goes “I-I-I-I was talking t-t-t-to him” and points at me
- BULLY ……was still silent as a bitch
- BULLY was not trying to get shot up in a pizza shop by trick daddy’s cousin
- We take pizza to K@li
- K@li thanks BULLY
- BULLY says “Don’t thank me….thank Billiam. If it was up to me I woulda left and yall would not have had shit”
- We leave
- The sun was coming up and we were too tired to even try to get in there and rub on booties…..even though K@li’s cousin did come to the door in a wifebeater and some big ass perkie titties in some sort of sports bra. A nigga was too tired to even stare.
- Niggas went to sleep.

I got 3 more days to talk about….maybe I will come with more instalments….maybe I won’t.

Do you want to hear more?
Things get worse/better as the weekend progressed. Friday was the only day with out some sort of naughty Trollop action.

-the Muthafuggin BULLY

I don't give a fuck.

Fuck you very much.

Hello, my name is the BULLY.....yes "the BULLY" and you do have to say the whole thing.

My name is the BULLY and I don't give a fuck.

The following is a list of things that I do give:

Ass woopings
cunnilingus (if I spelled that wrong BLOW ME)
innapropriate text messages to involved women
innapropriate text messages to single women
great medium sized dick (Steve)
scary car rides
awesome pony (Steve) rides
Drunken great medium sized penis (Steve on that Drank)
The best kisses
Vulgar language
Random ass facts and examples
Pointless long ass stories
tittie orgasms (yeah, I'm that good)
Myself haircuts

......the list goes on and on, but that list does not include a fuck.

Right now I am in my lil sis' room at her new house. Yeah, she is 24 and a home owner...big up to the BULLY's lil sis.

Anyway..I am held up in her room while she is out in the livin room with her female friends all screaming and hootin' and hollerin.

They are watching a stripper.

Prolly touchin' his big ole stripper dick.

I don't give a fuck.

If Slim Chick #1 wasn't dealing with a migrain right now I'd prolly be touchin on her big ol D-cup boobages.....and then some cause I'm nasty....and I don't give a fuck.

I'm sippin on some shit. Might be loosed up by the time the OHN talk radio shit jumps off.

Less than a week till I am in M-I-Yayo. Gonna get off in a nasty sex club with my e-girl QQ....gues she will then be a real world friend then.....especially if she ends up accidentally seeing Steve as I beat some unsuspecting 40 something white woman about her clavicle with him.

Slim Chick #2 is tired of talking to me and me not trying to be exclusive and me still banging out Slim Chick #1. I don't really feel like me and Slim Chick #1 and I are reallygonna end up being anything, even with her killing Slim Chick #2 in the tittie war (D vs A). I really enjoy talking with Slim Chick #1. She is a nerdy book geek type chick and she is smart and sweet and can take and return my smartassedness and she shows mad interest in what I do at work. I really like that.

I'm not ready to stop fucking these other females though.

And Slim Chick #2 and I have only been out twice then she left town at the end of April and wont be back till the beginning of June. I mean, yeah, we talk alot....like everyday....I don't want to commit to someone that I cant even hug up with on the weekends. Maybe when she comes back to town, but shiiiiiiiiit.......Fuck all that

I think she is really just trying to catch me up before I go to the M-I-A and get loose on South Beach. Yeah, she looked at the pics that I have on fb and ....well...yeah, she voiced her concerns.

but....hey, I'm the BULLY and not ready to go straight and narrow just yet.

So, she tells me things are gonna change if I'm not ready to leave the other broad alone and stuff. She is tired of kinda acting like we are in a relationship (all the talking on the phone and stuff....We talk on the phone while I am work too....yeah, she is allowed to call the corperate line)

I told her that I am really trying to build a strong friendshiplike bond...or see if one can be built before I commit to a relationship..not commit to a relationship and then form a bond.

Anyway....I'm not comprimising my shit for a female's wants again. I'll commit if and when I want to.

-the BULLY

Twice the MAN she is used to.

Sooooo I was talkin to Slim Chick #2 last night and she asked me what my ex looked like. I told her that the ex was her complete opposite. Tall, dark, and kinda built like Serena...just smaller, but same shape. And we end up going into what type of girls do I like and all that. I told her that I LOVE women. I like big amazons and little petite types as long as they have a womanly figure (I'm all about the hourglass shape).

So I ask her what her dudes have looked like. She tells me about her height (she is 5'-2" I think) and lean.

Me:...So you are used to dudes that are about 130-140lbs
her: Yeah...but they were really lean
Me: Sooooo you like dudes that are literally half my size (5'9" 260lbs....all sexual beast)..........What in the hell are you doing talking to me?
Her: Because I like you...that's why.


Slim Chick #1, on the other hand, likes big dudes...but I don't know if she really likes me or Steve. I think she likes me, but its Steve that makes her make that extra effort to actually come see me. (She constantly flaked out on me before I banged her out.)

I think I need to start working on a couple more team members.

I have one chick that I think likes me for sex more than anything and another that likes my personality and stuff, but I don't think she is sexaully attracted to me.

I must give Slim Chick #2 a fair chance. We have only hung out in person twice and the second time was when she found out I was banging other chick. She went back home a couple weeks ago and won't be back until June 8 (She is in Grad school and has a break between spring and summer semmesters). I really gotta wait and see how she is physically around me before I can definitively tell if she is digging the big body or not.

Anyway...I've been training pretty damn hard lately and I feel great!!

I've started running with this Chick..she is about 132lbs (Thick little broad)...trying to drop 6lbs so she can fit in her size 3-4 clothes right. She is about 5'4" and in her early to mid 30's and the ass is sick.....I'm tombout SIIIICCCCKKK!! Me and work out partner used to refer to her as "Basketball" cause....yeah, the booty looks like a basket ball sittin up and out on that backside. she has a boyfriend and a kid.......but I am the BULLY and that is all I am going to say about that.

Shit is going pretty good. I got 1 week left 'til I am all up in M-I-Yayo. Your boy is gonna be loose on that damn juice, and wildin' out with his boys (TEAM DIESEL in that bitch....t-shirts coming soon). If I see you and touch your booty don't even act like you mad cause 1) I'm just playin...you know we cool and 2) You know you like that shit.

-the Muthafuckin' BULLY

VOTE FOR E-DOT DDDDOOOIIIIIIITTTt and tell all your firends to

If E-dot Wins the Grand Marnier thing (I'm tombout the grand prize trip to Paris) I will post a pic of Steve aka Peter Black.

Thats right....I'm giving dick shots for victory.

Yes, even you...Coco La Rue, can see my dick too.

Go vote for E-dot.

www.mygrandmarnier.com Vote for Elliot Carter in Orlando, Fl.

Hell yeah, I'm trying to ride shirt tails into Paris.

VOTE FOR E-DOT

Noooo, I know what you're thinking and no, he is not entered into a Light Skinned Negro Contest...he entered some sort of Grand Marnier contest so go on over their to http://mygrandmarnier.com and vote for E-dot (Elliott Carter) and his story about his chick saying yes.

Ol' wankster ass mellow yellow nucka.

E-dot.....you my nigga!!



-the BULLY

I was tagged

I was triple teamed by Bride of Slaus and Slaus and my dear sweet damn near virginal friend

Here are the rules.
* link to the person that tagged you
* share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
* tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
* let each random person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Let it begin
1) I get razor bumps/ingrown hairs easy as a fugg. That is actually a big reason why I rock the scruffy look all the damn time. I say fuck it, don't shave and not stay with some ol' fucked up nasty big ass pimple looking things in my face....and privacies.

2) As much of a heathen ass whore of a man that can count the number of times that I have been to church in the last 10 years on one hand I still want a chick that is into the church. (Oddly enough I have been pulling those types.....the ex is the daughter of a preacher one of just bang whenever I need to chicks is the daughter of a preacher too)

3) I am not dumb enough to break of this big fine amazonian chick that works at my job..but that bitch got maaaadddd body. I'm tombout front and back.

4) I am self concious about my ugly ass toenails.

5) I have been the guy that really dug the chick that gave up the goods to any dude that tried it and all I ever did was cuddle, play with the titties and make out some. Then when I told her I was digging her she was like "Ungh Ungh". That shit hurt for like a year.

6) I really want to be a daddy. A married with children, no baby momma type REAL daddy.

I tag my Team Mates E-dot and Big Chris. I also tag my innanet/cougar crush Chocl8t, Tittayballs gets tagged also. Let my go ahead and tag the Gringo and your momma

The shit I do is not supposed to be done to me.

Ok....so Saturday night Slim chick #2 was over and was playin with my phone, like she always does, except this time she actually had the balls to go through it. I knew she was gonna do it and I didn't give a fuck.

This is how things went
Her: Who is (real name of Slim Chick #1)?
the BULLY: A friend.
Her: And she calls you "Honey"?
the BULLY: Yep. We have known each other for a loooong time.
Her: And you call her "Babe"?
the BULLY:......Yep. We're dating.
Her: Are you sleeping with her?
the BULLY: (thinks about the text sent to Q tellin her how I banged ol girl out twice...real real good) Gimme my damn cell phone.
the BULLY: ...........Yeah, we have sex sometimes. (Well, its only sex sometimes cause we aren't together all the time. We're like little rabbits around each other)

I told her that I reallly did like her (slim chick #2), but I'm just not ready to be exclusive. And that is the real deal.


Her: blah blah blah
the BULLY: Blah blah blah blah

after a while

her: So can get me a friend with benefits?
the BULLY: I can't stop you. I'm not saying I'll like it, but I can't stop you.

Fast forward to yesterday.

Her: Well, you told me that you wanted to know, so I have met a dude and we are gonna start dating.
the BULLY: Damn......ok........(starts thinking about how he has been thinking about chick a lot ore lately and how much he has thought about her lately and all that.......and e-mails with Q about her and all that shit........starts to feel like saying fuck all that. If she wants to talk to other dude fuckin' let her. And let her fuckin miss me.)

I told her that I didn't like it. She tried to argue her point that she should be able to do it if I was, but I just repeatedly cut her off and told her that I wasn't telling her to not do shit. I told her that I didn't like it...and had to figure out if I would let my pride win and no talk to her anymore.

Anyway.....I didn't sleep to well last night. I called her on her house and cell phones and she didn't return my calls...second time she has done that this week. (The first time was Tuesday night.....she told me she was with dude...How nice.) So, I kinda feel like I should try to still kick it with chick cause I was doing it first, so why should she sit and wait on me and all that bullshit, but....I feel like she is intentionally doing this to try to game me. If a broad tries to game me I don't play into that shit which makes me want to do waaaayyyy less than what I would have normally done.

But maybe this is a point that I should swallow my pride and show her she is worth me pursuing and all that. Which is something I rarely (or never) do. (Yeah, I am an arrogant ass BULL of a man). I do things to show chicks that I like/care for them, but when it comes to breaking myself for a chick....going against my pride.....naw, homie. That shit don't just happen too often. And doing anything at all that may seem like I am feeding into the "He is now trying to outshine the other guy/compete for her attention" type thing is NOT gonna go well with my big BULLISH pride.

Right now, the only way I see me doing this and making myself happy is if I put in the effort just to fuck her right quick and then stop calling her. But I don't really want to do that to her.....not really.

Maybe I'll just break myself a litte and see what happens.

Edit:
I'll just pursue as normal, but the moment that I do not feel like I am a priority I fall back.

fffuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk....come one Memorial Day Weekend!!

-the BULLY